Parenting?

I brought Daiyan to tea with my lab mates today since we were celebrating one of the students who has just finished her PhD. Since I have to take care of Daiyan every afternoon onwards, and it's just tea anyway, so I thought, why not.

I arrived a bit late; our chief scientist had already started giving his speech. So I just walked towards them, pulled a chair, and sat. Then everyone started to notice Daiyan. And being Daiyan, he started smiling to everyone. Everyone was just surprised that he seemed very happy. A few people came to me and said "He is such a happy baby. You must be a good mother." "Thanks," I replied.

So I wonder, is a happy baby a sign of good parenting?

Probably. I am not sure myself. The truth is, I don't know why Daiyan is so happy around people. I always thought that it's just who he is. I am not doing anything extraordinary at home. But alhamdulillah, I think he is quite a content baby--whether or not it's because of our parenting--he smiles and laughs a lot (although he protests a lot too), and I can easily leave him by himself/with other people when I go to social events (dinner party etc).

I remember the early days when Daiyan came into our lives..lots of people told us (me, especially) not to hold him too much as he would grow up wanting to always being held, not to nurse him to sleep lying down as he would be accustomed to it, to give him pacifier and formula milk as I am a working mom and it would be hard for the care taker (and me) if Daiyan wouldn't take pacifier or formula milk. But the weird thing was, people also told me no to give him the pacifier as it might be hard for him to wean off it when he is older.

As a new mother, I tried following the advices (except the formula milk..as I know I want to exclusively breastfeed him). I tried to put Daiyan down as much as possible, tried to rock him to sleep instead of nursing him, tried to give him the pacifier..but none of this felt right to me. Daiyan loved to be held a lot when he was a newborn, and he loved to breastfeed every 2 hours, one-hour long every session (which means I only have at most, 1 hour break), so putting him down and rocking him to sleep would usually result in him crying. Daiyan also hated pacifier--he would spit it out, usually as soon as I put it into his mouth--so the pacifier basically ended up not being used. In the end, I held him as much as he needed, brought him to sleep in our bed and nurse him to sleep, and let him suck on my breasts for as long as he needed. This way, he turned out not crying as much, and kept all of us happy.

I remember at one point I wanted to train Daiyan to sleep in his cot because as much as I love him, I also wanted to maintain the relationship with my husband, and I thought having the bed to ourselves is important(so far he only has slept in his cot once..in the hospital, in the first night. He woke up at 2:30 am, along with other babies, and did not go back to sleep). I also read that babies would develop their own way of self-soothing (and go to sleep on their own) when they reach about 2 months of age. However, it was quite a nightmare. Daiyan hated his cot and just kept on crying, which of course, eventually made me stressed. I ended up bringing him back in bed with us. After that night, I found an article about co-sleeping vs. cot sleeping in Dr. Sear's website, and the article points out that co-sleeping has been found to help regulates the child's breathing and that SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) are less likely to affect babies who are co-sleeping with their mothers. After reading the article, I felt relieved and decided to let Daiyan sleeps with us for as long as he needs.

So now, after 5+ months of becoming a mother and taking care of Daiyan, I came up with a conclusion about parenting: Do what feels right and natural, and what works for you. Of course people can say do this and that, but eventually we are the parents and the baby is living with us, so whatever we do/n't do to our babies mostly affects us, not them. As for my husband and I, free access to my breasts/breastmilk, co-sleeping, and baby-wearing (when needed) work miraculously; Daiyan doesn't cry as much, and he seems happy and content. Although the house gets messy quite easily as it's quite hard to do housework while carrying Daiyan or when Daiyan is sleeping (plus my husband and I are not that particular anyway), I think it does not really matter as Daiyan comes first, not the house.

I remember reading an article about why African babies don't cry (forgot the website huhu) and what Dr. Sears wrote in his website. Both point out that we should read our baby and give him what he needs, instead of enforcing something that the baby doesn't want (scheduled feeding, cry-to-sleep, starting solids too early etc). I also remember reading an article about why babies nowadays do not seem happy, and the article points out that probably the reason these babies don't seem happy is because the parents do not give them what they need. I happen to agree with all three articles.

I think the best way of parenting is by imagining ourselves in a cave, with no one else but our baby and husband. Only by imagining that we would start taking care of our babies like what nature intends us to, using our instinct as a mother.

 My two men <3

Baby products

Since I am a parent now, I want to share my favorite baby products that I use. Just because. Saje menggedik. haha

Ameda Purely Yours Breastpump

To be honest, this breastpump is not my first breastpump. My first breastpump was Pureen but oh my it wasn't working at all (ok, exaggerated, but you know, less than an ounce for an hour worth of pumping says it all). Plus, it hurt my breasts. After using it twice, I decided that it was not working for me, so I bought another breastpump--Avent manual breastpump. It was okay, but at most 3 ounces from both breasts in almost an hour..ermm.. I don't think so. It wouldn't be the ideal breastpump to bring to work. So after doing some research, I decided to invest in Ameda Purely yours breastpump. Why you ask? Well, the main reason was, the price was affordable for a double electric breastpump. Plus, the reviews were good. Compared to Madela which was more expensive, yet getting lots of complaints about milk getting into the tubes, Ameda sounded perfect. The tube is never meant to be washed. The milk has no way to get into the tubes, so it is less likely that the motor will get ruined. The pump has different controls for suction and speed, so I can easily change the setting to whatever feels comfortable to me. And I found out that while the standard breastshield size that comes with it is 25 mm, you can easily get a larger ones (up to 32 mm I think) or attachments to make it smaller (to 21 mm). I think the only bad review about this breastpump is that the motor sounds a bit loud, which doesn't bother me. Covering the motor with a pillow will help lessen the sound, of course. I highly recommended this breastpump!

Mimijumi bottle

I am not sure at what point my baby Daiyan start refusing bottle. He was happy with his Avent before, yet when I started going to work, he completely refused it. He would rather be hungry than drinking from that bottle. Feeling miserable, I did some research on baby bottle, and I learned about Mimijumi bottles. The bottle has received lots of good reviews from satisfied customers, particularly those whose babies initially refused bottles. So I thought, why not? The bottle looks like breast anyway, unlike other bottles. Although it is quite pricey, I bought it anyway. And Mr.Husband and I will never look back. We love the bottle because our baby Daiyan accepts the bottle without any trouble! The first time I gave Daiyan the bottle, he looked at the nipple, and immediately put the nipple in his mouth! It's like an instinct! Now I never have to worry about Daiyan being hugry when I am working anymore! Highly recommended!

Sudocream

I first learned about this cream in a parents magazine, I think. Then I was given samples of it at the hospital. After bringing Daiyan back to the house, I thought I should try the cream, and we have never used other cream since. Although it looks like any other nappy cream, it works miraculously. Once, Daiyan got a nappy rash, and it went away after only two days of applying the cream diligently. After that, he never had a nappy rash again. This cream works like magic. It comes in big tubs too (250 g), so we have only bought it once, and it lasts for months. Highly recommended!

Lansinoh nipple cream (does this count as baby products? haha)

In my early days of breastfeeding Daiyan, my nipple got so sore and sensitive and it bleed at one point. But thanks to this cream, it helped me cope. It soothes and heals the nipple, so it really relieved me. The best thing was, I never had to wash it off before feeding Daiyan! Highly recommended! (I have to confess that I have never bought the cream though, I only used the small sample tube the midwife gave me huhu)

Woolies disposable diapers

Well, the reason this is one of my favorite baby products is because it is cheap yet works well. $14 for 56 nappies ($10 for newborn) is seriously value for money. It holds liquid well (usually no problem even with 12 hours of wearing), and Daiyan never had a nappy rash wearing it. Recommended! (not highly recommended because it is disposable diapers..bad for the environment. But Daiyan cannot wear cloth diapers completely since he pees like crazy huhu so we mix. cloth diapers at home, disposable diapers for day out and at night)

Johnson's baby wipes

This baby wipes does the job properly. It cleans in only few wipes and smells good. The only problem with it, I think, is it's too wet. Usually I need to wait for a while before putting on a new diaper because I want to let it dry first, which, you see, is not a good idea for a baby boy because of the possibility of 'firing'. Oh, and I think most probably it has mineral oil, which is not recommended for babies skin, but we can't afford buying more natural alternative huhu. Recommended, nevertheless.

Hmm..I think that's all. We don't use lots of baby's products anyway. We used Gaia shower gel for his bath and Gaia massage oil for moisturizing. It has no mineral oil (like in Johnson's products), which I read is not good for babies skin, but other than that. it feels like normal baby shower gels and oils. We don't use any powder on Daiyan because..no reason (probably because we are lazy haha and it's unnecessary). Haha. But I read that it's not really advisable for babies to wear powder anyway because it may gives babies asthma or something. Oh, I don't know, but the baby may develop reaction towards it.Oh, and another thing that we use on Daiyan is minyak telon. I can't really tell if it works or not, but it smells nice. Mmmmm..

So, that's all! What are your favorite products for your little ones?

update

Oh, my! how long has it been since i last wrote in here? 3-4 months? haha that's what having a baby can do to you! :P

Anyway, I have been going back to the lab since early this month. And unfortunately, I haven't been able to do things in the lab yet. The gas chromatography (GC) machine/pc broke down, and since I rely a lot on it for my research, I cannot proceed at the moment. Getting a new one and/or fixing the old one will take months, and i can't afford to risk my research since i should finish end of this year. Having that thought in mind, i told my sv that i want to do molecular works and look at more genes instead of waiting for the machine and looking at degradation activity. So, hopefully that will work. Now I am at the primer design stage. huhu.

As for my baby Daiyan, he is doing fine. Just turned 4 months, and he will be getting his 4months immunization tomorrow. hohoho go Daiyan! Oh btw I'm still having trouble msking people say his name properly. Instead of Daiyan, people tend to pronounce it as Dianne. Oh, my! Daiyan is not a girl!

Anyway..i have to stop writing. I've been typing with only my left hand since Daiyan is on my lap, protesting about something. He was nursing before, but now he seems not interested. Oh well i wish i understood baby language. Anyway, byebye. He's sliding off my lap now. huhu

Breastfeeding

Before I went to labor, I always thought breastfeeding was easy. I mean, it's a natural thing to do, so, it should come to us fairly easy, shouldn't it?

Well, I was wrong.

The truth is, breastfeeding is hard. Even the latching is hard, if we are unaware of the way baby latch onto our breast. Thankfully I went to the breastfeeding class during pregnancy, so I was aware of the latching part of breastfeeding, but I must say, even so, it was still a bit tricky. Sometimes my baby attaches beautifully, but other times, it can be quite frustrating.

Other than latching, many new mothers will soon discover that they may not have enough milk/colostrum to give to their babies in the first few days. I experienced that. I always had colostrum, even before the labor, but it was never a lot. It was enough though for the first day, but not for the second day. On the second day, my baby cried the whole day because he was hungry. I did not have the time to sleep, because I was either feeding him, or trying to put him to sleep. When he was finally sleeping, and I thought I had the time for myself, he woke up again, crying. I remember one of the midwives felt sorry for me and asking me to express some colostrum into a cup so that she could feed the baby and I could sleep. However I could only express a drop or two. It was frustrating.

However, since I was determined to breastfeed my baby, I kept on feeding him for as long as he wanted, as frequent as he wanted. It was very tiring, especially since the labor started very early in the morning and I hadn't had enough rest since, but it paid off. On the fourth day, my breasts started to produce more colostrum/milk, and by the end of the week, my breasts were as hard as rocks because they were producing so much milk; more than my baby could consume. My baby lost 200 g on the first week (around 7% of his body weight), but it was normal. By the end of the second week, he gained almost all the weight that he had lost (3.760 kg when born, 3.560 kg after a week, 3.740 kg after two weeks).

Anyway, having that said, keeping on breastfeeding is hard especially if we are surrounded by people who are not supportive of breastfeeding, especially our own mother/mother-in-law/husband. My mother and husband are supportive of breastfeeding (alhamdulillah), but my mother was kinda skeptical/worried too much about my ability to breastfeed. The usual thing that she would do was to press my breast every time I was about to breastfeed my baby, and she would ask, "Ada susu?" She also consistently told me that it is okay to mix with formula milk, especially when I start going back to school. It was a bit frustrating, because the last thing that you need when you want to breastfeed is people doubting your ability to breastfeed (and making you doubt yourself).

Another thing that is hard about breastfeeding is pumping/expressing our milk. This is my biggest problem, because although I have sufficient amount of breastmilk, I seem unable to pump efficiently. At most I would get 3 oz from both breasts at one time, but usually I would only get 2 oz. I know I am producing more than that since my breasts still feel full even after the pumping session. This worries me so much, because I will have to go back to school soon. However, after asking around and doing some research, I found out that my inefficient pumping is due to unfitted breast shield/flange of the pump. The normal breast shield that comes with the pump follows the average nipple size; however, apparently some women need a larger size. I, however, need a smaller size. Thanks to my friend, I learned about Pumpin'Pal, and I have ordered the breast shield. Now, I am just waiting for it to arrive, and hopefully it will solve my pumping problem.

And the last thing that is hard about breastfeeding is that, it is tiring! Newborn feeds very frequently--once every 2-3 hours--and my baby feeds for a long time, usually one hour for every session. It is very physically demanding, but like my mom said, our milk is our babies' food, why denying his right to his food? So, tiring or not, it is not an excuse not to breastfeed.

Anyway, throughout my 2 months+ journey of breastfeeding, I have learned a few things. I have learned, of course, breastfeeding is hard, but as a mother, I can't stand the thought of shoving something other than my milk down my baby's throat. Looking at pictures of other babies drinking formula milk upsets me, and I don't want that to happen to my baby, at least for the first six months of his life. I feel babies less than 6 months old should not be given anything other than their mothers' milk..it's just..unnatural. That's why I am very determined to exclusively breastfeed my baby until at least he is 6 months old.

Another thing that I have learned about breastfeeding is, we, as mothers, need to be very determined, consistent, and persistent, to exclusively breastfeed our babies till they are 6 months old. Exclusive breastfeeding is not for the weak-hearted. There will always be people (especially those who are close to us--our mothers--because they have gone through the whole experience of having children) telling us that we are not producing enough milk, and we have to give formula milk and water to our babies. The truth is, no, we are producing enough milk, and we don't have to give formula milk and water to our babies. As mothers, we have to be strong and ignore these discouraging statements. The moment we fall for their words, is the moment our milk production deplete, because lactation is highly influenced by our state of mind. If we think we can't produce enough milk, than, we can't, but if we think we can produce enough milk, than, we will. We have to believe that we are capable of producing enough milk, and never to worry about it. Unless, of course, if we really have problem producing milk (will usually show in our babies' growth), then we should consult with a doctor/lactation consultant.

Some people think that breastmilk is not the best food for babies because formula milk has all these additive (DHA, etc) in it. I am not sure if breastmilk has all these components (although I believe it has), but logically, how can we possibly believe that something man-made is better than something provided by God? Plus, people formulated the milk by mimicking breastmilk, so why settle for the fake thing when we can get the real thing? And our babies need the antibodies available in our breastmilk to protect them from getting sick. Alhamdulillah, my baby has not gotten sick until now although at one point everyone in the house was infected by cough, and now i am still coughing like crazy.

So mommies, lets get stronger and exclusively breastfeed our babies for at least 6 months (aim for 24!)! God gives us the milk to feed our babies, so lets not deny our babies right to it!

p/s:  Daiyan will usually smile after breastfeeding. Yes sayang, you're welcome :)

Things I wish I knew / I'm glad I didn't know before giving birth

Things I wish I knew before giving birth

1. contraction pain feels exactly like period pain, and it is bearable, even without painkillers. (I thought it would be worst)

2. although breastfeeding isn't supposed to be painful, it is painful for the first couple of weeks because the nipple is still tender


3. pumping is hard. a good breastpump and a fitted breastshield is essential. the size of the breastshield doesn't entirely depend on the size of the breasts; it depends heavily on the size of the nipples during pumping/nursing (the size of the nipples increases during pumping/nursing)

4. we make LOTS of milk during the first couple of weeks. pump and store while you can!

5. the hard, uncomfortable feeling on your breasts is the milk! massage it for some relief and to prevent infection

6. nursing pads are essential!

7. tummy time is important for babies. let the baby has his/her tummy time everyday since the day s/he is born

8. any skin irritation (itching particularly) could be related to pregnancy. discuss it with your doctor, even when you feel it's nothing/not related to pregnancy

9. taking care of your own baby is a LOT harder than you think, even if you have experiences in taking care of other people's baby

10. poo from an exclusively breastfed baby does not smell bad!

Things I'm glad I didn't know before giving birth

1. my baby was big. I might not be able to deliver him normally, had I known he was big, because I might doubt my ability to deliver him normally.

2. ok, that's the only one. heh.

Hope this helps some mothers-to-be! Selamat hari raya aidilfitri and selamat hari merdeka!

Giving birth - my experience

( bodo punye blogspot. aku type banyak2 hilang pulak. isy )

Alhamdulillah, I have safely delivered a healthy baby boy last Tuesday, 21 June 2011 at 9:27 am, Canberra time. He was 3.76 kg, 53 cm. I delivered him normally, without any painkiller. We named him Muhammad Daiyan Zakwan.

Anyway, I am pretty sure lots of people wonder how it feels like to give birth. Usually if we ask mothers about it, we are most likely to get "it really hurts", "it's indescribable", "i felt like dying", etc. as the answers. No one really gives the answer that we want to hear. So, here, I want to attempt the impossible: to actually describe how it really feels to give birth.

Let me tell you my whole experience first.

As usual, I woke up at around 3:30 am to go for a wee. However, unlike usual, I felt like my panty was wet. Afraid that my water had broken, I woke up to check the bed. The bed and my pants were okay, so it's only my panty. I went to the toilet to find that I had passed the mucus plug, but since it wet my panty, I was wondering if the water had broken, but instead of a gush of water, it might be dripping. So, I did my thing, put on a pad, and called the birthing suite, just in case. My call was answered by a midwife, and she told me that it was normal to be that wet when the mucus plug passes through, but just to make sure, she asked me to call her half an hour later. It was 4 am.

Shortly after hanging up, I felt my first contraction. It felt like a mild period pain. I was not sure it was a contraction at first, because I didn't know how it feels like, but since it came every 7 minutes, I was pretty sure it was contractions. So when I called the midwife back to tell that I did not wet the pad, I asked her if what I felt were contractions. She said it sounded like it was, so she asked me to drink lots of water and try to go back to sleep. I asked her when I should go to the hospital, and she told me that for first pregnancy, it usually takes 12 more hours after the contraction starts to be 2 minutes apart, so she told me to relax. I was like, "okay," although really, I didn't believe her. Anyway, I took her advice, drank some water, relaxed on the chair for a bit, and tried to go to sleep. By that time, the contraction was 4 minutes apart, and was getting stronger.

However, I felt sick shortly after I got on the bed. I rushed to the toilet, and I threw up like a water hose. Seriously, it was gushing out of my mouth. On the second gush, my water broke like a popping balloon. Seriously, I thought I heard a popping sound. Haha. So I asked Ajoy to call the birthing suite. The midwife told me to take a shower and eat some breakfast before coming to the hospital. Taking her advice, I took a shower while Ajoy prepared breakfast of rice and fried egg. However, I really couldn't take the breakfast because I felt really sick. I called the birthing suite again, and the midwife told me to come straight to the hospital. At that time the contraction was around 2 minutes apart and was really strong that it made me mengerang.

Arriving at the hospital at around 6am+ , the midwife put me into a birthing room. She told me to change my pad and showed her the one that I was wearing because she wanted to see the color of the water. I knew it was clear when it first broke, but it was a bit brownish at the hospital, which indicated that the baby had pooed in the uterus. I showed her the drenched pad, and didn't even bother changing into a new one because the contraction and all the other pains (back pain, pelvic pain, pain in the thighs, etc.) was too much that I didn't even give a damn anymore. Plus, I had already drenched my pants, kain batik and car seat that most probably there's no water left anymore. So I just went out of the toilet, and lied straight on the bed. I was so tired that all I wanted to do was to lie down and sleep (but of course I couldn't haha).

While I was lying dreadfully on the bed, trying to cope with the contractions, I heard the midwife told another midwife that I was on the bed in lots of pain and that my contraction was 2 minutes apart. Not long after, a new midwife entered the room (I assumed they just changed shifts). She asked me how I was doing yadayadayada. Then I asked her how far I had dilated, and she said, "Do you want me to check it for you?" I answered yes, although in my mind I was like, "isn't it the normal procedure?" They probably don't do it here. Anyway, she checked, and she told me that I was fully dilated, and I was going to have the baby soon. At this time, the contraction got so intense that at times I just had to scream because I felt the urge to push (but I tried not to because I wasn't sure if I should haha). She asked me if I felt like pooing and if sometimes I felt the urge to push, and I answered yes. She then made me got off the bed and took a shower (the warm water really helped relieving the back pain) and changed into the hospital gown. Then she asked me to kneel on the bed. And the battle began.. (chewah)

The midwife told me to push whenever I felt the urge to push, and that's what I did. Personally, I think pushing was the only way to relief the contraction pain. So I pushed when the urge came, tried to take a deep breath during contraction, and tried to rest in between contractions (I even fell asleep a couple of times haha) . Ajoy was next to me the whole time and he kept on reminding me to breath properly. He also fed me with some ice whenever I wanted (this is a great way to stay hydrated since it's hard to drink). After a few pushes however, I stopped having the urge to push; I only got the contraction. Since it had been a while since I last pushed (approximately half an hour), the midwife told me to push hard on every contraction that I got. So I took a deep breath, pushed like I have never pushed before on every contraction that I had after that. It felt like pushing a huge poo, no kidding. Even the midwife said "push the poo out clean~" to encourage me. Haha.

Anyway, after several strong pushes, I felt the baby's head at the opening. I started to feel stinging sensation as the baby stretched my perineum. After a couple more pushes, I could feel something came out, and I screamed as I could feel somewhere in my vaginal area was tearing. However, although it hurt like hell, I felt so much better since there was no more feeling like a huge poo stuck in the bottom, and plus, the stinging sensation wasn't there anymore. A second after that, I heard the baby's voice, and I thought, "finally!". I asked Ajoy if the baby's out yet, but to my disappointment, Ajoy said only the head was out, so I still needed to push. Finally, after 3-4 more pushes, at 9:27 am, the baby was out, and I was so relieved. Ajoy cut the umbilical cord. The midwife then asked me to lie on my back, and they put the baby skin to skin on my chest. However, since Ajoy needed to azan and iqamah to the baby's ears, I passed the baby to Ajoy first, while I was pushing the placenta out. Then Ajoy gave me the baby back, and let the baby to breastfeed for the first time (which he didn't do right away because he seemed too tired. He got on the breast after a few minutes though). 

After the breastfeeding, a doctor came to stitch me up. She said I had two tears--a libial tear and a second degree perineum tear. She said she'd use local anesthetic (the same as the one used by dentists) for the stitching, but I could use the gas when she put the local anesthetic. I thought, why not, since I was done with the labor anyway. So I breathed in the gas (the laughing gas to be exact), in hope I would feel less pain when she injected the anesthetic. But boy, OMG. It hurts more than the labor itself, even with the gas. After a few minutes, she stitched me up (which still hurts, even with the anesthetic and the gas). When I asked her how many stitches did I get, she told me that I had one huge stitch. I wonder how she did it when I had two tears...anyway, she then shoved three painkillers up my bottom, and I was done.

Things after that got a bit blurry to me, since I was so tired and sleepy. I was given something to eat, and I fell asleep right after. I was then woken up by the midwife and she sent me to the ward.

So, to answer the above question:
Labor pain feels like extreme period pain (the whole set: tummy cramp, back pain, pelvic pain, fatigue, etc.), coupled with extreme constipation. Personally, I think the labor itself does not hurt that bad; it's not really about the pain, it's more to the annoying and uncomfortable feeling of being in pain and tired, when all you want to do is to rest. Maybe the most painful moment during labor is when the baby is pushing out of the vaginal opening; when all the tears happen (or not, if the baby is small or you are just lucky). However, since by that time you're not gonna give a damn anymore, all you want to do is just to push the baby out and be done with it. It hurts, it stings, because one of your body part is tearing up, but right after the baby is out, you cannot feel the pain anymore. Maybe because you've feel the worst, so anything below that (the fact that your vagina has torn) become unnoticeable. In fact, personally, I feel the stitching part is the most painful of all. And the agony that you will have to endure for weeks while waiting for the stitches to heal. So I guess, the real reason why mothers are placed higher than fathers is not just because of the labor pain; it's more because of the whole pregnancy, labor and post-labor pain that mothers have to endure just to bring one little life to the world.

And yeah, there is a thing called post-natal pain; it's the pain similar to period pain that you can feel (especially while feeding the baby) when the uterus is shrinking. The midwives at the hospital wished me luck, because they said if I could feel it now, it would only get worst with subsequent births. Oh, I guess I am not lucky. Well, I can't really complaint. I had fairly an easy and fast labor, it's only fair for me to feel the post-natal pain. I guess when you gain some, you lose some.

Anyway, that's it. I hope that answered the all-time favorite question "how does it feel to give birth". But of course, that's based on my experience. Different people might have different experience and might have different description :)

My experience during pregnancy (the physical aspects of it)

Today I am officially 31 weeks 2 days pregnant. Alhamdulillah, so far pregnancy has been fairly kind to me.

The first few weeks of my pregnancy was pretty easy. I did not get morning sickness. The closest I got to morning sickness was just gas (I burped a lot). My appetite did not change much too. I did eat slightly a bit more than what I used to, probably because I always felt tired. Other than that, life went on as always. My tummy did not show as much too. It probably started to show a bit in week 8, but it was pretty much unnoticeable under clothes. I could still wear my jeans till approximately week 20.

I think 20 weeks of pregnancy was the point where pregnancy started to affect me (physically). It was the time when my appetite increased a bit more. I had to eat slightly more to feel full. My tummy was definitely showing, to the point that I had to get a pair of maternity jeans, and for other people to start asking. My back started aching too, specifically at the pelvic area where it was once dislocated. Other than that, everything was still normal.

Week 27, the start of third trimester, was the point where pregnancy really affects me. My appetite has definitely increased. However, because of the increasing size of the baby (and uterus, of course), my stomach has became more compressed and smaller, which forces me to eat less. But since the baby is currently trying to triple his size at this stage, I am almost constantly feeling hungry (and always crave for sweet things), so I usually settle by snacking (I usually try to get something healthy like a piece of fruit, but sometimes I go for something naughtier like a donut..or two.. hehe). Also at this stage, my back and ribs are driving me crazy. They almost always hurt, even when I was sleeping. My legs cramp quite a lot too, but it only happens when I am sleeping, or just about to get up from sleeping. I started to walk like a typical pregnant lady as well..I just hope it does not worsen, though. And I usually wake up in the middle of the night too..apparently my body is preparing for parenthood, so I read.

Owh, some of you might be wondering if I have gained a lot of weight or gotten stretch marks. The answer is, yes, I have definitely gained weight, but within the recommended range. I think I got a bit of fat going here and there, but I won't say I look fat..just a bit plump. I still wear my pre-pregnancy tshirts. The only thing that I cannot fit are my pre-pregnancy jeans and dresses (of course, they cannot stretch to accommodate my tummy). And surprisingly my rib cage is showing! I did not expect that during pregnancy haha! And thank God, so far I don't get any stretch marks because of the pregnancy. Probably thanks to the Cocoa Butter Formula oil that I have been diligently wearing even before pregnancy.

And that's all so far I think. I probably left some things here and there..I will add more if I remember. Anyway, last week my midwife said my baby has already engaged! Oh! :O

p/s: will post on my experience getting pregnant in Australia later.

My feelings during pregnancy

I am now officially 30 weeks, 3 days pregnant. So far, what I can say is, being pregnant is a very humbling experience.

Somehow, having a small little life inside of me makes me think of how amazing it is, for a life somehow getting inside my body, developing from two tiny little cells into a complete, complex human being. It really makes me feel how powerful God is, and how small humans are. SubhanAllah. And to feel this little human being moving inside my womb, is just, wonderful. It sometimes hurts, I won't lie, but it does not matter, for it is my child. And it only makes me feel so humbled by God's power. SubhanAllah, SubhaAllah, SubhanAllah.

Other than that, being pregnant makes me feel how truly blessed I am wish such a great husband. True, that a husband can't possibly know how it is to be pregnant, but I would say, my husband is sharing half of my pain and joy of being pregnant. From the early days of my pregnancy, he has always been here with me, going to almost all of my doctor's appointments, accompanying me to blood tests and ultrasounds, feeling the babies movements, and coming with me to all my antenatal classes. And he is always there through all my pains too. He wakes up in the middle of the night every time I have leg cramps, gives me a massage whenever I feel sore, helps me putting on my socks and shoes as I can't bend that well anymore, walks slowly with me since I can't walk that fast anymore, supports me whenever I want to get up from sitting or lying. He also helps around the house, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, cleaning the house..or should I say, he does almost everything in the house. The only thing that I do is cooking and occasionally cleaning the toilet and folding the laundry. Otherwise, he will do it. And of course, he is very supportive emotionally too. He never complaints and has been very patience with me whenever I become a little too sensitive or emotional, or simply too lazy. He is a great husband, he truly is. And I am sure he will be a great father too, possibly better than me as a mother. I am forever grateful for him. Thank you Allah, for blessing me with such a great husband. I can never repay you for everything that You have given me. Especially  for giving me such a loving, understanding, and supportive husband. Alhamdulillah. All praise to Allah.

Owh, and by now people have started to ask me whether I am scared about labor. And my answer is, no. Not because I am unaware of the pain of labor, but because I believe the pain is what makes it special. The pain is what makes being a mother is something. The pain is what makes me more grateful for the child. And I believe, that Allah will never makes us have to face something we cannot endure. Plus, women have been in labor since forever, and it's only natural. My mother has been through it, my late grandmother has been through it, and insyaAllah, I will go through it too. I just have to believe, and pray. InsyaAllah, everything is going to be alright.

p/s: will post more on pregnancy later, especially on the physical part of it.

How I met your father

Feb 16, 2011. It has passed midnight and I cannot sleep.

Dah lebih 2thn couple baru nk tulis. Sblm ni nak tulis, tp xjd. Skrg dh kawin, tulislah. For memory's sake. Dh tua2 nanti bace balik mesti best. Hehe. Oh, tulis pasal apa? Tulis camne boleh couple lah. Hehe.

So ceritanya start bile ajoy try add kat yahoo messenger, tp di reject beberapa kali sebelum di ignore since yahoo id Ajoy mcm spam. Haha. Sampaila sorang kawan kitorg bgtau itu Ajoy. Baru la di un-ignored n approved. Rupe2nye Ajoy tried nk buat reunion kawan2 skolah rendah, so he was trying to get in touch with everyone. That was sometime in early September 2008 if I'm not mistaken. Mase bulan puasa.

The first phone called Ajoy made to me was a few days after that. I was driving balik keje mase tu. Naseb la jalan jem n xde polis around, so dptla layan sat. It was quite a long call for me, considering I am not much of a chatter, but Ajoy is. Diye kate nk jumpe bile2 nk discuss pasal reunion, so I said okay.

So finally sometime mid September, we met, together with Shahir. My first impression on him was, "Hensem gak Ajoy ni." Well, he had the masculine qualities that I liked. Well-built, tall, and handsome, but not metrosexual. He had a little moustache n goatee, which enhanced his masculinity even more. But having that said, I admired his smooth skin n long eyelashes, which I clearly didn't have. He was a chatter to, although most of the time him and shahir made stupid inside jokes that I barely understood, but i wasn't left alone. All in all, it was nice talking to him. Oh, did I mention he was wearing a kain pelikat because he was from the surau? Somehow I feel men in kain pelikat are sexy. Hehe J

So after that night, we met occasionally, mostly to discuss about the reunion. However there was one time where I accompanied him to Jusco Wangsa Maju for window shopping. I held his jacket while he was trying on a blazer, which he later admitted, was the time he started to feel something towards me (because of the way I was holding his jacket).

Anyway, not long after, it was time for raya. I didn't get any raya wishes from my friends (except from Jeeb), so I kinda felt like a loser. Suddenly on the second day of raya, which was on Oct 2, Ajoy texted me to wish slmt hari raya. So I replied, thanking him for making me less of a loser, and before we knew it, we continued texting each other for longer than 24 hours! Somewhere in the long texts thread, Ajoy threw me some signs, like asking me for my criteria of a perfect man, and also about my past relationships, if I remember it correctly. And when I told him that we could beat other couples even when we were not a couple because we had been texting each other non-stop (except for when I fell asleep) for 24 hours, he seemed excited and happy, albeit being in disbelief. That was the time I knew he definitely had some feelings for me, although maybe not that strong, yet.

The next morning, I went to pick him up to visit our friends for raya. And quite naturally, we acted more like a couple although we were not! He constantly watched over me, and finished my drinks whenever I couldn't finish them. He also constantly said he didn't want me to further my study oversea. However, when I asked him why he didn’t want me to go oversea while we were in the car, shyly—as if he was trying to hide something—he told me that it had only been a while since we got to meet again (as friends), and for me to go away again, was..saddening. I just laughed a bit because I knew that was not the real reason. After reaching his home, he told me that he would text me the real reason later that night.

So sure enough, he texted me right after I got home. After some mundane yet couply-type messeges (“dah sampai rumah?”, “siapa ada kat rumah?”, etc.), I asked him the real reason, but he didn't give me a straight answer. Pretty sure that he liked me, i told him that I knew he liked me and if he really liked me, I wanted him to come to see my parents and ask my hand in marriage (yes, I was that bold haha). Sure enough he was shocked, but I told him that I was tired of worthless relationships, so I was not interested in a gf-bf relationship. He told me that he felt the same way too (although I don't think he really felt that way because I think he really wanted us to be more than friends haha), but he couldn't ask me to marry him yet because of money problem, etc. Thinking that it's fair enough, I told him that it's alright, and we should just wait and see how things go.

After that night, we saw each other every night. I know I said I didn't want to be in a bf-gf relationship, but seeing him had become an addiction. We (well, at least me) would try to find a reason to see each other. After three days, I thought, "This is ridiculous. Who are we kidding?" So, on Oct 8, 2008, during our usual all day texting, I asked him if he wanted to declare us as a couple since we were acting like one anyway, although we pretended we were not. And of course he said okay (haha). So at exactly 1232pm, we were officially a couple.

After that day onwards, we follow the flow. He came to see my parents a few days later, just like we wanted (yes, he wanted to as well), although he didn't ask to marry me right away. Within the next few months, we constantly tried to talk to our family about letting us get married, although I wouldn't deny that it was hard considering we had only been together for a short period of time. But well, when you have found the right person, you will know. And we both knew that we were meant for each other despite being together for only a few weeks.

So peeps, that's how I met Ajoy (terpengaruh dengan cerita How I met your mother haha. O well, that’s not really how I met Ajoy, but that’s the story of how we got together. How I met Ajoy is a completely different story). The story goes on with his family came for merisik on Oct 25, 2009, we got engaged on Dec 12, 2009, and we got married on Feb 6, 2010 (the wedding was pulled sooner than planned because I had to go to Australia to do my masters degree on Feb 22, 2010). Ajoy joined me in Australia on July 4, 2010, and now we are waiting for our first child, who is due to be born on June 28, 2011.

So far, life is good. Life is great in fact, albeit being a poor student expecting a child. But having a great loving husband makes it all seems okay. I feel blessed. Alhamdulillah.

-0102 am. Feb 16, 2011. I should join Ajoy in dreamworld. Seronok je tgk diye tido. Good night.

P/s: post ni last2 ditulis dlm English lak. I guess I am more comfortable writing in English, despite making lots of grammatical error. Haha.

1st wedding anniversary and update

Wow, it's been a loooong time since the last time I wrote in here. Guess I've become lazier, other than being accompanied with works and things.

Anyway, yesterday was our first wedding anniversary. We were excited. So excited that we exchanged gifts a week before. Haha! He bought me a watch, and I bought him a photo frame to put our first anniversary picture together. I know it's not expensive at all, but hopefully it will last long; long enough that it will remind us of our first anniversary when we get all wrinkly.

So how did we spend our first anniversary? Well, I started the day making him a special breakfast (at least I tried to). I wanted to make waffle, but since we don't own any waffle iron, I made the waffle batter and cook it like pancakes. Didn't turn out as crispy and fluffy of course (haha), but it's more special than normal pancakes. I served it with grilled white peaches and maple syrup. And I made a nescafe mocha instead of his favorite plain nescafe.

After breakfast at around 830am, we headed to Tidbinbilla Nature Reserve. The weather at home looked like it was about to rain, but we were praying it wouldn't at Tidbinbilla (Tidbinbilla is located approximately 35-40 km from home). And alhamdulillah, the weather turned out to be just nice in Tidbinbilla--neither sunny and hot, nor raining. It was a bit windy and cloudy, just nice for a walk. We bought the annual pass since it costs only $13 for a student. After getting the map, we headed straight to the bbq area and cooked some sausages and a piece of steak.

After eating and taking a few photos of the kangaroos resting around the bbq area, we drove and parked near to the place where the map said we could see some platypus. However, other than some swans and ducks and another species that looked like the hybrid of both, we didn't see any platypus. Still keeping our hope high, we went to another another place to see the platypus, but still, there wasn't any. I was devastated, but that's alright. The kind weather, beautiful nature, cute wallaroos, wallabes, and kangaroos everywhere, and of course, a loving husband were enough to make my day. And of course, it's our anniversary, why would I be sad? Then, we went to the vet and reptile center (which was empty when we got there) before heading back home.

We reached home at around 245pm. It was quite a tiring day, so both of us took a nap (or rather, slept, since it was for more than an hour haha) before going for dinner at Figaro Restaurant. We reached Figaro at approximately 645pm, earlier than our 7pm reservation. The restaurant looked kinda cheap from the outside, but it was quite fancy inside. We started our meal with chilli mussels, and it was good. Ajoy ordered an apple juice, and I was fine with plain water. For main, Ajoy ordered risotto pescatore (seafood risotto in tomato sauce), and I ordered spaghetti frutti di mare (seafood spaghetti in light tomato sauce). Both dishes were full of squids and a couple of each mussels and prawns, but owh-so-huge! Ajoy finished his (and he helped some of mine), but of course I didn't finish mine, because I was full. They were good, but maybe the only complaint that I had was that they cooked the seafood for too long that they turned chewy. Other than that, they were fine. Then we wanted to order a three layer cheesecake called 'mortal sin' but they didn't have it yesterday. The waitress suggested tiramisu; however since normally people put alcohol in tiramisu, we ended up not ordering any cake. Instead we ordered an affagato--espresso poured on a scoop of hazelnut gelato. It was HEAVEN! Maybe because they have an award-winning gelato (a score of 99.5% is very good, isn't it?), and the espresso is so good. Seriously, it was so tasty, I could have seconds. But of course, since we had to pay for it, so one was enough. The bill came out to be $80.70--the highest ever for us--but it was worth it. Besides, it's for special occassion :) At around 830pm, we went home. And since we didn't have dessert, I made chocolate fondue, served with navel oranges, white peaches and kiwis. A good end to a special day :)

So that's how we spent our first anniversary together. Owh and of course we took pictures together. One of these days we'll pick the best one to put on the frame I bought for him :)

So anyway, some updates on our lives. I am pregnant, again. I will be completing the 20th week tomorrow, so the baby is pretty big now. I cannot hide my tummy anymore. We went for ultrasound test last Friday, and found out that it's a boy! That explains the never-ending movements during the ultrasound. He's an active cute little baby boy that sometimes it hurts when he kicks! Alhamdulillah, everything looks fine, so we are expecting to have him on the 28th June 2011. Pray for us! :)