Things I wish I knew before giving birth
1. contraction pain feels exactly like period pain, and it is bearable, even without painkillers. (I thought it would be worst)
2. although breastfeeding isn't supposed to be painful, it is painful for the first couple of weeks because the nipple is still tender
3. pumping is hard. a good breastpump and a fitted breastshield is essential. the size of the breastshield doesn't entirely depend on the size of the breasts; it depends heavily on the size of the nipples during pumping/nursing (the size of the nipples increases during pumping/nursing)
4. we make LOTS of milk during the first couple of weeks. pump and store while you can!
5. the hard, uncomfortable feeling on your breasts is the milk! massage it for some relief and to prevent infection
6. nursing pads are essential!
7. tummy time is important for babies. let the baby has his/her tummy time everyday since the day s/he is born
8. any skin irritation (itching particularly) could be related to pregnancy. discuss it with your doctor, even when you feel it's nothing/not related to pregnancy
9. taking care of your own baby is a LOT harder than you think, even if you have experiences in taking care of other people's baby
10. poo from an exclusively breastfed baby does not smell bad!
Things I'm glad I didn't know before giving birth
1. my baby was big. I might not be able to deliver him normally, had I known he was big, because I might doubt my ability to deliver him normally.
2. ok, that's the only one. heh.
Hope this helps some mothers-to-be! Selamat hari raya aidilfitri and selamat hari merdeka!
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Giving birth - my experience
( bodo punye blogspot. aku type banyak2 hilang pulak. isy )
Alhamdulillah, I have safely delivered a healthy baby boy last Tuesday, 21 June 2011 at 9:27 am, Canberra time. He was 3.76 kg, 53 cm. I delivered him normally, without any painkiller. We named him Muhammad Daiyan Zakwan.
Anyway, I am pretty sure lots of people wonder how it feels like to give birth. Usually if we ask mothers about it, we are most likely to get "it really hurts", "it's indescribable", "i felt like dying", etc. as the answers. No one really gives the answer that we want to hear. So, here, I want to attempt the impossible: to actually describe how it really feels to give birth.
Let me tell you my whole experience first.
As usual, I woke up at around 3:30 am to go for a wee. However, unlike usual, I felt like my panty was wet. Afraid that my water had broken, I woke up to check the bed. The bed and my pants were okay, so it's only my panty. I went to the toilet to find that I had passed the mucus plug, but since it wet my panty, I was wondering if the water had broken, but instead of a gush of water, it might be dripping. So, I did my thing, put on a pad, and called the birthing suite, just in case. My call was answered by a midwife, and she told me that it was normal to be that wet when the mucus plug passes through, but just to make sure, she asked me to call her half an hour later. It was 4 am.
Shortly after hanging up, I felt my first contraction. It felt like a mild period pain. I was not sure it was a contraction at first, because I didn't know how it feels like, but since it came every 7 minutes, I was pretty sure it was contractions. So when I called the midwife back to tell that I did not wet the pad, I asked her if what I felt were contractions. She said it sounded like it was, so she asked me to drink lots of water and try to go back to sleep. I asked her when I should go to the hospital, and she told me that for first pregnancy, it usually takes 12 more hours after the contraction starts to be 2 minutes apart, so she told me to relax. I was like, "okay," although really, I didn't believe her. Anyway, I took her advice, drank some water, relaxed on the chair for a bit, and tried to go to sleep. By that time, the contraction was 4 minutes apart, and was getting stronger.
However, I felt sick shortly after I got on the bed. I rushed to the toilet, and I threw up like a water hose. Seriously, it was gushing out of my mouth. On the second gush, my water broke like a popping balloon. Seriously, I thought I heard a popping sound. Haha. So I asked Ajoy to call the birthing suite. The midwife told me to take a shower and eat some breakfast before coming to the hospital. Taking her advice, I took a shower while Ajoy prepared breakfast of rice and fried egg. However, I really couldn't take the breakfast because I felt really sick. I called the birthing suite again, and the midwife told me to come straight to the hospital. At that time the contraction was around 2 minutes apart and was really strong that it made me mengerang.
Arriving at the hospital at around 6am+ , the midwife put me into a birthing room. She told me to change my pad and showed her the one that I was wearing because she wanted to see the color of the water. I knew it was clear when it first broke, but it was a bit brownish at the hospital, which indicated that the baby had pooed in the uterus. I showed her the drenched pad, and didn't even bother changing into a new one because the contraction and all the other pains (back pain, pelvic pain, pain in the thighs, etc.) was too much that I didn't even give a damn anymore. Plus, I had already drenched my pants, kain batik and car seat that most probably there's no water left anymore. So I just went out of the toilet, and lied straight on the bed. I was so tired that all I wanted to do was to lie down and sleep (but of course I couldn't haha).
While I was lying dreadfully on the bed, trying to cope with the contractions, I heard the midwife told another midwife that I was on the bed in lots of pain and that my contraction was 2 minutes apart. Not long after, a new midwife entered the room (I assumed they just changed shifts). She asked me how I was doing yadayadayada. Then I asked her how far I had dilated, and she said, "Do you want me to check it for you?" I answered yes, although in my mind I was like, "isn't it the normal procedure?" They probably don't do it here. Anyway, she checked, and she told me that I was fully dilated, and I was going to have the baby soon. At this time, the contraction got so intense that at times I just had to scream because I felt the urge to push (but I tried not to because I wasn't sure if I should haha). She asked me if I felt like pooing and if sometimes I felt the urge to push, and I answered yes. She then made me got off the bed and took a shower (the warm water really helped relieving the back pain) and changed into the hospital gown. Then she asked me to kneel on the bed. And the battle began.. (chewah)
The midwife told me to push whenever I felt the urge to push, and that's what I did. Personally, I think pushing was the only way to relief the contraction pain. So I pushed when the urge came, tried to take a deep breath during contraction, and tried to rest in between contractions (I even fell asleep a couple of times haha) . Ajoy was next to me the whole time and he kept on reminding me to breath properly. He also fed me with some ice whenever I wanted (this is a great way to stay hydrated since it's hard to drink). After a few pushes however, I stopped having the urge to push; I only got the contraction. Since it had been a while since I last pushed (approximately half an hour), the midwife told me to push hard on every contraction that I got. So I took a deep breath, pushed like I have never pushed before on every contraction that I had after that. It felt like pushing a huge poo, no kidding. Even the midwife said "push the poo out clean~" to encourage me. Haha.
Anyway, after several strong pushes, I felt the baby's head at the opening. I started to feel stinging sensation as the baby stretched my perineum. After a couple more pushes, I could feel something came out, and I screamed as I could feel somewhere in my vaginal area was tearing. However, although it hurt like hell, I felt so much better since there was no more feeling like a huge poo stuck in the bottom, and plus, the stinging sensation wasn't there anymore. A second after that, I heard the baby's voice, and I thought, "finally!". I asked Ajoy if the baby's out yet, but to my disappointment, Ajoy said only the head was out, so I still needed to push. Finally, after 3-4 more pushes, at 9:27 am, the baby was out, and I was so relieved. Ajoy cut the umbilical cord. The midwife then asked me to lie on my back, and they put the baby skin to skin on my chest. However, since Ajoy needed to azan and iqamah to the baby's ears, I passed the baby to Ajoy first, while I was pushing the placenta out. Then Ajoy gave me the baby back, and let the baby to breastfeed for the first time (which he didn't do right away because he seemed too tired. He got on the breast after a few minutes though).
After the breastfeeding, a doctor came to stitch me up. She said I had two tears--a libial tear and a second degree perineum tear. She said she'd use local anesthetic (the same as the one used by dentists) for the stitching, but I could use the gas when she put the local anesthetic. I thought, why not, since I was done with the labor anyway. So I breathed in the gas (the laughing gas to be exact), in hope I would feel less pain when she injected the anesthetic. But boy, OMG. It hurts more than the labor itself, even with the gas. After a few minutes, she stitched me up (which still hurts, even with the anesthetic and the gas). When I asked her how many stitches did I get, she told me that I had one huge stitch. I wonder how she did it when I had two tears...anyway, she then shoved three painkillers up my bottom, and I was done.
Things after that got a bit blurry to me, since I was so tired and sleepy. I was given something to eat, and I fell asleep right after. I was then woken up by the midwife and she sent me to the ward.
So, to answer the above question:
Labor pain feels like extreme period pain (the whole set: tummy cramp, back pain, pelvic pain, fatigue, etc.), coupled with extreme constipation. Personally, I think the labor itself does not hurt that bad; it's not really about the pain, it's more to the annoying and uncomfortable feeling of being in pain and tired, when all you want to do is to rest. Maybe the most painful moment during labor is when the baby is pushing out of the vaginal opening; when all the tears happen (or not, if the baby is small or you are just lucky). However, since by that time you're not gonna give a damn anymore, all you want to do is just to push the baby out and be done with it. It hurts, it stings, because one of your body part is tearing up, but right after the baby is out, you cannot feel the pain anymore. Maybe because you've feel the worst, so anything below that (the fact that your vagina has torn) become unnoticeable. In fact, personally, I feel the stitching part is the most painful of all. And the agony that you will have to endure for weeks while waiting for the stitches to heal. So I guess, the real reason why mothers are placed higher than fathers is not just because of the labor pain; it's more because of the whole pregnancy, labor and post-labor pain that mothers have to endure just to bring one little life to the world.
And yeah, there is a thing called post-natal pain; it's the pain similar to period pain that you can feel (especially while feeding the baby) when the uterus is shrinking. The midwives at the hospital wished me luck, because they said if I could feel it now, it would only get worst with subsequent births. Oh, I guess I am not lucky. Well, I can't really complaint. I had fairly an easy and fast labor, it's only fair for me to feel the post-natal pain. I guess when you gain some, you lose some.
Anyway, that's it. I hope that answered the all-time favorite question "how does it feel to give birth". But of course, that's based on my experience. Different people might have different experience and might have different description :)
Alhamdulillah, I have safely delivered a healthy baby boy last Tuesday, 21 June 2011 at 9:27 am, Canberra time. He was 3.76 kg, 53 cm. I delivered him normally, without any painkiller. We named him Muhammad Daiyan Zakwan.
Anyway, I am pretty sure lots of people wonder how it feels like to give birth. Usually if we ask mothers about it, we are most likely to get "it really hurts", "it's indescribable", "i felt like dying", etc. as the answers. No one really gives the answer that we want to hear. So, here, I want to attempt the impossible: to actually describe how it really feels to give birth.
Let me tell you my whole experience first.
As usual, I woke up at around 3:30 am to go for a wee. However, unlike usual, I felt like my panty was wet. Afraid that my water had broken, I woke up to check the bed. The bed and my pants were okay, so it's only my panty. I went to the toilet to find that I had passed the mucus plug, but since it wet my panty, I was wondering if the water had broken, but instead of a gush of water, it might be dripping. So, I did my thing, put on a pad, and called the birthing suite, just in case. My call was answered by a midwife, and she told me that it was normal to be that wet when the mucus plug passes through, but just to make sure, she asked me to call her half an hour later. It was 4 am.
Shortly after hanging up, I felt my first contraction. It felt like a mild period pain. I was not sure it was a contraction at first, because I didn't know how it feels like, but since it came every 7 minutes, I was pretty sure it was contractions. So when I called the midwife back to tell that I did not wet the pad, I asked her if what I felt were contractions. She said it sounded like it was, so she asked me to drink lots of water and try to go back to sleep. I asked her when I should go to the hospital, and she told me that for first pregnancy, it usually takes 12 more hours after the contraction starts to be 2 minutes apart, so she told me to relax. I was like, "okay," although really, I didn't believe her. Anyway, I took her advice, drank some water, relaxed on the chair for a bit, and tried to go to sleep. By that time, the contraction was 4 minutes apart, and was getting stronger.
However, I felt sick shortly after I got on the bed. I rushed to the toilet, and I threw up like a water hose. Seriously, it was gushing out of my mouth. On the second gush, my water broke like a popping balloon. Seriously, I thought I heard a popping sound. Haha. So I asked Ajoy to call the birthing suite. The midwife told me to take a shower and eat some breakfast before coming to the hospital. Taking her advice, I took a shower while Ajoy prepared breakfast of rice and fried egg. However, I really couldn't take the breakfast because I felt really sick. I called the birthing suite again, and the midwife told me to come straight to the hospital. At that time the contraction was around 2 minutes apart and was really strong that it made me mengerang.
Arriving at the hospital at around 6am+ , the midwife put me into a birthing room. She told me to change my pad and showed her the one that I was wearing because she wanted to see the color of the water. I knew it was clear when it first broke, but it was a bit brownish at the hospital, which indicated that the baby had pooed in the uterus. I showed her the drenched pad, and didn't even bother changing into a new one because the contraction and all the other pains (back pain, pelvic pain, pain in the thighs, etc.) was too much that I didn't even give a damn anymore. Plus, I had already drenched my pants, kain batik and car seat that most probably there's no water left anymore. So I just went out of the toilet, and lied straight on the bed. I was so tired that all I wanted to do was to lie down and sleep (but of course I couldn't haha).
While I was lying dreadfully on the bed, trying to cope with the contractions, I heard the midwife told another midwife that I was on the bed in lots of pain and that my contraction was 2 minutes apart. Not long after, a new midwife entered the room (I assumed they just changed shifts). She asked me how I was doing yadayadayada. Then I asked her how far I had dilated, and she said, "Do you want me to check it for you?" I answered yes, although in my mind I was like, "isn't it the normal procedure?" They probably don't do it here. Anyway, she checked, and she told me that I was fully dilated, and I was going to have the baby soon. At this time, the contraction got so intense that at times I just had to scream because I felt the urge to push (but I tried not to because I wasn't sure if I should haha). She asked me if I felt like pooing and if sometimes I felt the urge to push, and I answered yes. She then made me got off the bed and took a shower (the warm water really helped relieving the back pain) and changed into the hospital gown. Then she asked me to kneel on the bed. And the battle began.. (chewah)
The midwife told me to push whenever I felt the urge to push, and that's what I did. Personally, I think pushing was the only way to relief the contraction pain. So I pushed when the urge came, tried to take a deep breath during contraction, and tried to rest in between contractions (I even fell asleep a couple of times haha) . Ajoy was next to me the whole time and he kept on reminding me to breath properly. He also fed me with some ice whenever I wanted (this is a great way to stay hydrated since it's hard to drink). After a few pushes however, I stopped having the urge to push; I only got the contraction. Since it had been a while since I last pushed (approximately half an hour), the midwife told me to push hard on every contraction that I got. So I took a deep breath, pushed like I have never pushed before on every contraction that I had after that. It felt like pushing a huge poo, no kidding. Even the midwife said "push the poo out clean~" to encourage me. Haha.
Anyway, after several strong pushes, I felt the baby's head at the opening. I started to feel stinging sensation as the baby stretched my perineum. After a couple more pushes, I could feel something came out, and I screamed as I could feel somewhere in my vaginal area was tearing. However, although it hurt like hell, I felt so much better since there was no more feeling like a huge poo stuck in the bottom, and plus, the stinging sensation wasn't there anymore. A second after that, I heard the baby's voice, and I thought, "finally!". I asked Ajoy if the baby's out yet, but to my disappointment, Ajoy said only the head was out, so I still needed to push. Finally, after 3-4 more pushes, at 9:27 am, the baby was out, and I was so relieved. Ajoy cut the umbilical cord. The midwife then asked me to lie on my back, and they put the baby skin to skin on my chest. However, since Ajoy needed to azan and iqamah to the baby's ears, I passed the baby to Ajoy first, while I was pushing the placenta out. Then Ajoy gave me the baby back, and let the baby to breastfeed for the first time (which he didn't do right away because he seemed too tired. He got on the breast after a few minutes though).
After the breastfeeding, a doctor came to stitch me up. She said I had two tears--a libial tear and a second degree perineum tear. She said she'd use local anesthetic (the same as the one used by dentists) for the stitching, but I could use the gas when she put the local anesthetic. I thought, why not, since I was done with the labor anyway. So I breathed in the gas (the laughing gas to be exact), in hope I would feel less pain when she injected the anesthetic. But boy, OMG. It hurts more than the labor itself, even with the gas. After a few minutes, she stitched me up (which still hurts, even with the anesthetic and the gas). When I asked her how many stitches did I get, she told me that I had one huge stitch. I wonder how she did it when I had two tears...anyway, she then shoved three painkillers up my bottom, and I was done.
Things after that got a bit blurry to me, since I was so tired and sleepy. I was given something to eat, and I fell asleep right after. I was then woken up by the midwife and she sent me to the ward.
So, to answer the above question:
Labor pain feels like extreme period pain (the whole set: tummy cramp, back pain, pelvic pain, fatigue, etc.), coupled with extreme constipation. Personally, I think the labor itself does not hurt that bad; it's not really about the pain, it's more to the annoying and uncomfortable feeling of being in pain and tired, when all you want to do is to rest. Maybe the most painful moment during labor is when the baby is pushing out of the vaginal opening; when all the tears happen (or not, if the baby is small or you are just lucky). However, since by that time you're not gonna give a damn anymore, all you want to do is just to push the baby out and be done with it. It hurts, it stings, because one of your body part is tearing up, but right after the baby is out, you cannot feel the pain anymore. Maybe because you've feel the worst, so anything below that (the fact that your vagina has torn) become unnoticeable. In fact, personally, I feel the stitching part is the most painful of all. And the agony that you will have to endure for weeks while waiting for the stitches to heal. So I guess, the real reason why mothers are placed higher than fathers is not just because of the labor pain; it's more because of the whole pregnancy, labor and post-labor pain that mothers have to endure just to bring one little life to the world.
And yeah, there is a thing called post-natal pain; it's the pain similar to period pain that you can feel (especially while feeding the baby) when the uterus is shrinking. The midwives at the hospital wished me luck, because they said if I could feel it now, it would only get worst with subsequent births. Oh, I guess I am not lucky. Well, I can't really complaint. I had fairly an easy and fast labor, it's only fair for me to feel the post-natal pain. I guess when you gain some, you lose some.
Anyway, that's it. I hope that answered the all-time favorite question "how does it feel to give birth". But of course, that's based on my experience. Different people might have different experience and might have different description :)
Thursday, April 28, 2011
My experience during pregnancy (the physical aspects of it)
Today I am officially 31 weeks 2 days pregnant. Alhamdulillah, so far pregnancy has been fairly kind to me.
The first few weeks of my pregnancy was pretty easy. I did not get morning sickness. The closest I got to morning sickness was just gas (I burped a lot). My appetite did not change much too. I did eat slightly a bit more than what I used to, probably because I always felt tired. Other than that, life went on as always. My tummy did not show as much too. It probably started to show a bit in week 8, but it was pretty much unnoticeable under clothes. I could still wear my jeans till approximately week 20.
I think 20 weeks of pregnancy was the point where pregnancy started to affect me (physically). It was the time when my appetite increased a bit more. I had to eat slightly more to feel full. My tummy was definitely showing, to the point that I had to get a pair of maternity jeans, and for other people to start asking. My back started aching too, specifically at the pelvic area where it was once dislocated. Other than that, everything was still normal.
Week 27, the start of third trimester, was the point where pregnancy really affects me. My appetite has definitely increased. However, because of the increasing size of the baby (and uterus, of course), my stomach has became more compressed and smaller, which forces me to eat less. But since the baby is currently trying to triple his size at this stage, I am almost constantly feeling hungry (and always crave for sweet things), so I usually settle by snacking (I usually try to get something healthy like a piece of fruit, but sometimes I go for something naughtier like a donut..or two.. hehe). Also at this stage, my back and ribs are driving me crazy. They almost always hurt, even when I was sleeping. My legs cramp quite a lot too, but it only happens when I am sleeping, or just about to get up from sleeping. I started to walk like a typical pregnant lady as well..I just hope it does not worsen, though. And I usually wake up in the middle of the night too..apparently my body is preparing for parenthood, so I read.
Owh, some of you might be wondering if I have gained a lot of weight or gotten stretch marks. The answer is, yes, I have definitely gained weight, but within the recommended range. I think I got a bit of fat going here and there, but I won't say I look fat..just a bit plump. I still wear my pre-pregnancy tshirts. The only thing that I cannot fit are my pre-pregnancy jeans and dresses (of course, they cannot stretch to accommodate my tummy). And surprisingly my rib cage is showing! I did not expect that during pregnancy haha! And thank God, so far I don't get any stretch marks because of the pregnancy. Probably thanks to the Cocoa Butter Formula oil that I have been diligently wearing even before pregnancy.
And that's all so far I think. I probably left some things here and there..I will add more if I remember. Anyway, last week my midwife said my baby has already engaged! Oh! :O
p/s: will post on my experience getting pregnant in Australia later.
The first few weeks of my pregnancy was pretty easy. I did not get morning sickness. The closest I got to morning sickness was just gas (I burped a lot). My appetite did not change much too. I did eat slightly a bit more than what I used to, probably because I always felt tired. Other than that, life went on as always. My tummy did not show as much too. It probably started to show a bit in week 8, but it was pretty much unnoticeable under clothes. I could still wear my jeans till approximately week 20.
I think 20 weeks of pregnancy was the point where pregnancy started to affect me (physically). It was the time when my appetite increased a bit more. I had to eat slightly more to feel full. My tummy was definitely showing, to the point that I had to get a pair of maternity jeans, and for other people to start asking. My back started aching too, specifically at the pelvic area where it was once dislocated. Other than that, everything was still normal.
Week 27, the start of third trimester, was the point where pregnancy really affects me. My appetite has definitely increased. However, because of the increasing size of the baby (and uterus, of course), my stomach has became more compressed and smaller, which forces me to eat less. But since the baby is currently trying to triple his size at this stage, I am almost constantly feeling hungry (and always crave for sweet things), so I usually settle by snacking (I usually try to get something healthy like a piece of fruit, but sometimes I go for something naughtier like a donut..or two.. hehe). Also at this stage, my back and ribs are driving me crazy. They almost always hurt, even when I was sleeping. My legs cramp quite a lot too, but it only happens when I am sleeping, or just about to get up from sleeping. I started to walk like a typical pregnant lady as well..I just hope it does not worsen, though. And I usually wake up in the middle of the night too..apparently my body is preparing for parenthood, so I read.
Owh, some of you might be wondering if I have gained a lot of weight or gotten stretch marks. The answer is, yes, I have definitely gained weight, but within the recommended range. I think I got a bit of fat going here and there, but I won't say I look fat..just a bit plump. I still wear my pre-pregnancy tshirts. The only thing that I cannot fit are my pre-pregnancy jeans and dresses (of course, they cannot stretch to accommodate my tummy). And surprisingly my rib cage is showing! I did not expect that during pregnancy haha! And thank God, so far I don't get any stretch marks because of the pregnancy. Probably thanks to the Cocoa Butter Formula oil that I have been diligently wearing even before pregnancy.
And that's all so far I think. I probably left some things here and there..I will add more if I remember. Anyway, last week my midwife said my baby has already engaged! Oh! :O
p/s: will post on my experience getting pregnant in Australia later.
Friday, April 22, 2011
My feelings during pregnancy
I am now officially 30 weeks, 3 days pregnant. So far, what I can say is, being pregnant is a very humbling experience.
Somehow, having a small little life inside of me makes me think of how amazing it is, for a life somehow getting inside my body, developing from two tiny little cells into a complete, complex human being. It really makes me feel how powerful God is, and how small humans are. SubhanAllah. And to feel this little human being moving inside my womb, is just, wonderful. It sometimes hurts, I won't lie, but it does not matter, for it is my child. And it only makes me feel so humbled by God's power. SubhanAllah, SubhaAllah, SubhanAllah.
Other than that, being pregnant makes me feel how truly blessed I am wish such a great husband. True, that a husband can't possibly know how it is to be pregnant, but I would say, my husband is sharing half of my pain and joy of being pregnant. From the early days of my pregnancy, he has always been here with me, going to almost all of my doctor's appointments, accompanying me to blood tests and ultrasounds, feeling the babies movements, and coming with me to all my antenatal classes. And he is always there through all my pains too. He wakes up in the middle of the night every time I have leg cramps, gives me a massage whenever I feel sore, helps me putting on my socks and shoes as I can't bend that well anymore, walks slowly with me since I can't walk that fast anymore, supports me whenever I want to get up from sitting or lying. He also helps around the house, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, cleaning the house..or should I say, he does almost everything in the house. The only thing that I do is cooking and occasionally cleaning the toilet and folding the laundry. Otherwise, he will do it. And of course, he is very supportive emotionally too. He never complaints and has been very patience with me whenever I become a little too sensitive or emotional, or simply too lazy. He is a great husband, he truly is. And I am sure he will be a great father too, possibly better than me as a mother. I am forever grateful for him. Thank you Allah, for blessing me with such a great husband. I can never repay you for everything that You have given me. Especially for giving me such a loving, understanding, and supportive husband. Alhamdulillah. All praise to Allah.
Owh, and by now people have started to ask me whether I am scared about labor. And my answer is, no. Not because I am unaware of the pain of labor, but because I believe the pain is what makes it special. The pain is what makes being a mother is something. The pain is what makes me more grateful for the child. And I believe, that Allah will never makes us have to face something we cannot endure. Plus, women have been in labor since forever, and it's only natural. My mother has been through it, my late grandmother has been through it, and insyaAllah, I will go through it too. I just have to believe, and pray. InsyaAllah, everything is going to be alright.
p/s: will post more on pregnancy later, especially on the physical part of it.
Somehow, having a small little life inside of me makes me think of how amazing it is, for a life somehow getting inside my body, developing from two tiny little cells into a complete, complex human being. It really makes me feel how powerful God is, and how small humans are. SubhanAllah. And to feel this little human being moving inside my womb, is just, wonderful. It sometimes hurts, I won't lie, but it does not matter, for it is my child. And it only makes me feel so humbled by God's power. SubhanAllah, SubhaAllah, SubhanAllah.
Other than that, being pregnant makes me feel how truly blessed I am wish such a great husband. True, that a husband can't possibly know how it is to be pregnant, but I would say, my husband is sharing half of my pain and joy of being pregnant. From the early days of my pregnancy, he has always been here with me, going to almost all of my doctor's appointments, accompanying me to blood tests and ultrasounds, feeling the babies movements, and coming with me to all my antenatal classes. And he is always there through all my pains too. He wakes up in the middle of the night every time I have leg cramps, gives me a massage whenever I feel sore, helps me putting on my socks and shoes as I can't bend that well anymore, walks slowly with me since I can't walk that fast anymore, supports me whenever I want to get up from sitting or lying. He also helps around the house, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, cleaning the house..or should I say, he does almost everything in the house. The only thing that I do is cooking and occasionally cleaning the toilet and folding the laundry. Otherwise, he will do it. And of course, he is very supportive emotionally too. He never complaints and has been very patience with me whenever I become a little too sensitive or emotional, or simply too lazy. He is a great husband, he truly is. And I am sure he will be a great father too, possibly better than me as a mother. I am forever grateful for him. Thank you Allah, for blessing me with such a great husband. I can never repay you for everything that You have given me. Especially for giving me such a loving, understanding, and supportive husband. Alhamdulillah. All praise to Allah.
Owh, and by now people have started to ask me whether I am scared about labor. And my answer is, no. Not because I am unaware of the pain of labor, but because I believe the pain is what makes it special. The pain is what makes being a mother is something. The pain is what makes me more grateful for the child. And I believe, that Allah will never makes us have to face something we cannot endure. Plus, women have been in labor since forever, and it's only natural. My mother has been through it, my late grandmother has been through it, and insyaAllah, I will go through it too. I just have to believe, and pray. InsyaAllah, everything is going to be alright.
p/s: will post more on pregnancy later, especially on the physical part of it.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
1st wedding anniversary and update
Wow, it's been a loooong time since the last time I wrote in here. Guess I've become lazier, other than being accompanied with works and things.
Anyway, yesterday was our first wedding anniversary. We were excited. So excited that we exchanged gifts a week before. Haha! He bought me a watch, and I bought him a photo frame to put our first anniversary picture together. I know it's not expensive at all, but hopefully it will last long; long enough that it will remind us of our first anniversary when we get all wrinkly.
So how did we spend our first anniversary? Well, I started the day making him a special breakfast (at least I tried to). I wanted to make waffle, but since we don't own any waffle iron, I made the waffle batter and cook it like pancakes. Didn't turn out as crispy and fluffy of course (haha), but it's more special than normal pancakes. I served it with grilled white peaches and maple syrup. And I made a nescafe mocha instead of his favorite plain nescafe.
After breakfast at around 830am, we headed to Tidbinbilla Nature Reserve. The weather at home looked like it was about to rain, but we were praying it wouldn't at Tidbinbilla (Tidbinbilla is located approximately 35-40 km from home). And alhamdulillah, the weather turned out to be just nice in Tidbinbilla--neither sunny and hot, nor raining. It was a bit windy and cloudy, just nice for a walk. We bought the annual pass since it costs only $13 for a student. After getting the map, we headed straight to the bbq area and cooked some sausages and a piece of steak.
After eating and taking a few photos of the kangaroos resting around the bbq area, we drove and parked near to the place where the map said we could see some platypus. However, other than some swans and ducks and another species that looked like the hybrid of both, we didn't see any platypus. Still keeping our hope high, we went to another another place to see the platypus, but still, there wasn't any. I was devastated, but that's alright. The kind weather, beautiful nature, cute wallaroos, wallabes, and kangaroos everywhere, and of course, a loving husband were enough to make my day. And of course, it's our anniversary, why would I be sad? Then, we went to the vet and reptile center (which was empty when we got there) before heading back home.
We reached home at around 245pm. It was quite a tiring day, so both of us took a nap (or rather, slept, since it was for more than an hour haha) before going for dinner at Figaro Restaurant. We reached Figaro at approximately 645pm, earlier than our 7pm reservation. The restaurant looked kinda cheap from the outside, but it was quite fancy inside. We started our meal with chilli mussels, and it was good. Ajoy ordered an apple juice, and I was fine with plain water. For main, Ajoy ordered risotto pescatore (seafood risotto in tomato sauce), and I ordered spaghetti frutti di mare (seafood spaghetti in light tomato sauce). Both dishes were full of squids and a couple of each mussels and prawns, but owh-so-huge! Ajoy finished his (and he helped some of mine), but of course I didn't finish mine, because I was full. They were good, but maybe the only complaint that I had was that they cooked the seafood for too long that they turned chewy. Other than that, they were fine. Then we wanted to order a three layer cheesecake called 'mortal sin' but they didn't have it yesterday. The waitress suggested tiramisu; however since normally people put alcohol in tiramisu, we ended up not ordering any cake. Instead we ordered an affagato--espresso poured on a scoop of hazelnut gelato. It was HEAVEN! Maybe because they have an award-winning gelato (a score of 99.5% is very good, isn't it?), and the espresso is so good. Seriously, it was so tasty, I could have seconds. But of course, since we had to pay for it, so one was enough. The bill came out to be $80.70--the highest ever for us--but it was worth it. Besides, it's for special occassion :) At around 830pm, we went home. And since we didn't have dessert, I made chocolate fondue, served with navel oranges, white peaches and kiwis. A good end to a special day :)
So that's how we spent our first anniversary together. Owh and of course we took pictures together. One of these days we'll pick the best one to put on the frame I bought for him :)
So anyway, some updates on our lives. I am pregnant, again. I will be completing the 20th week tomorrow, so the baby is pretty big now. I cannot hide my tummy anymore. We went for ultrasound test last Friday, and found out that it's a boy! That explains the never-ending movements during the ultrasound. He's an active cute little baby boy that sometimes it hurts when he kicks! Alhamdulillah, everything looks fine, so we are expecting to have him on the 28th June 2011. Pray for us! :)
Anyway, yesterday was our first wedding anniversary. We were excited. So excited that we exchanged gifts a week before. Haha! He bought me a watch, and I bought him a photo frame to put our first anniversary picture together. I know it's not expensive at all, but hopefully it will last long; long enough that it will remind us of our first anniversary when we get all wrinkly.
So how did we spend our first anniversary? Well, I started the day making him a special breakfast (at least I tried to). I wanted to make waffle, but since we don't own any waffle iron, I made the waffle batter and cook it like pancakes. Didn't turn out as crispy and fluffy of course (haha), but it's more special than normal pancakes. I served it with grilled white peaches and maple syrup. And I made a nescafe mocha instead of his favorite plain nescafe.
After breakfast at around 830am, we headed to Tidbinbilla Nature Reserve. The weather at home looked like it was about to rain, but we were praying it wouldn't at Tidbinbilla (Tidbinbilla is located approximately 35-40 km from home). And alhamdulillah, the weather turned out to be just nice in Tidbinbilla--neither sunny and hot, nor raining. It was a bit windy and cloudy, just nice for a walk. We bought the annual pass since it costs only $13 for a student. After getting the map, we headed straight to the bbq area and cooked some sausages and a piece of steak.
After eating and taking a few photos of the kangaroos resting around the bbq area, we drove and parked near to the place where the map said we could see some platypus. However, other than some swans and ducks and another species that looked like the hybrid of both, we didn't see any platypus. Still keeping our hope high, we went to another another place to see the platypus, but still, there wasn't any. I was devastated, but that's alright. The kind weather, beautiful nature, cute wallaroos, wallabes, and kangaroos everywhere, and of course, a loving husband were enough to make my day. And of course, it's our anniversary, why would I be sad? Then, we went to the vet and reptile center (which was empty when we got there) before heading back home.
We reached home at around 245pm. It was quite a tiring day, so both of us took a nap (or rather, slept, since it was for more than an hour haha) before going for dinner at Figaro Restaurant. We reached Figaro at approximately 645pm, earlier than our 7pm reservation. The restaurant looked kinda cheap from the outside, but it was quite fancy inside. We started our meal with chilli mussels, and it was good. Ajoy ordered an apple juice, and I was fine with plain water. For main, Ajoy ordered risotto pescatore (seafood risotto in tomato sauce), and I ordered spaghetti frutti di mare (seafood spaghetti in light tomato sauce). Both dishes were full of squids and a couple of each mussels and prawns, but owh-so-huge! Ajoy finished his (and he helped some of mine), but of course I didn't finish mine, because I was full. They were good, but maybe the only complaint that I had was that they cooked the seafood for too long that they turned chewy. Other than that, they were fine. Then we wanted to order a three layer cheesecake called 'mortal sin' but they didn't have it yesterday. The waitress suggested tiramisu; however since normally people put alcohol in tiramisu, we ended up not ordering any cake. Instead we ordered an affagato--espresso poured on a scoop of hazelnut gelato. It was HEAVEN! Maybe because they have an award-winning gelato (a score of 99.5% is very good, isn't it?), and the espresso is so good. Seriously, it was so tasty, I could have seconds. But of course, since we had to pay for it, so one was enough. The bill came out to be $80.70--the highest ever for us--but it was worth it. Besides, it's for special occassion :) At around 830pm, we went home. And since we didn't have dessert, I made chocolate fondue, served with navel oranges, white peaches and kiwis. A good end to a special day :)
So that's how we spent our first anniversary together. Owh and of course we took pictures together. One of these days we'll pick the best one to put on the frame I bought for him :)
So anyway, some updates on our lives. I am pregnant, again. I will be completing the 20th week tomorrow, so the baby is pretty big now. I cannot hide my tummy anymore. We went for ultrasound test last Friday, and found out that it's a boy! That explains the never-ending movements during the ultrasound. He's an active cute little baby boy that sometimes it hurts when he kicks! Alhamdulillah, everything looks fine, so we are expecting to have him on the 28th June 2011. Pray for us! :)
Monday, September 6, 2010
To our first child.
Dear Pushie/Ajoy jr.,
6th August was the day I found that you were in my tummy. It was also mommy&daddy's 6-months anniversary. I found out about it very early in the morning. At about 3am. I couldn't sleep, maybe because I took too much caffeine. Anyway, I called daddy as soon as the second band showed up on the pregnancy test strip. I can't tell you how much daddy smiled that day. From the moment I told him, till night, he was smiling from ear to ear, constantly kissing me and telling me how much he loves you and me.
Everyday from that day onwards, had been wonderful. Although I couldn't physically feel you, but I knew you were in me. You were very tiny, yet only Allah knows how much you drained my energy. But I never complained. I rested as much as I needed, and Alhamdulillah daddy has always been besides me whenever I needed him. Daddy never complained either. We only wanted you to be healthy.
Since the early days of knowing about your existence, I couldn't help but feel worry everytime my lower stomach cramped. I knew you were there. I prayed everytime after my daily prayers for you to be safe. But who am I kidding. I knew a mother's instinct is usually correct. Everytime I felt the cramp, secretly, deep inside, I felt something was wrong. I remember a few days before you left my tummy. There was no pain, no blood, whatsoever. But, somehow I felt you were not there. I felt like I was not pregnant. I didn't want to feel that way, but it's just how I felt. I tried hard to threw away the feeling.
But owh how I was right. A few days after, on 26th August 2010, I started bleeding. It was a very tiny bleeding for a couple of days. But on the 28th night, 12am on the 29th to be exact, the bleeding started to get heavy. Very heavy in fact, as if I got my period. And owh, the cramp. It was a bad cramp, as if I had period pain. I was in a huge worry. Especially when I saw those blood clots. Owh, I can't tell you how much I hoped I would never see you in those blood clots. I couldn't help myself, and I broke into tears. Although daddy was still in high hope that you had survived, deep inside, I knew you hadn't. It was a bad night. I went to bed crying in daddy's arms.
The day after that we went to see a doctor. The doctor asked me to go have the ultrasound done. She also told us the possibility that I had lost you. But daddy's hope was still high. The next day we went to the hospital. They didn't see you in my uterus, but they asked us to go to an ultrasound specialist anyway, as they were not trained for that. We went for external and internal ultrasound the next day. And then it's final. You were not in my tummy anymore. Although I had expected it, it was still very saddening. I had to hold back my tears, and pretended in front of everyone that I was okay, but no, I wasn't. Later that day, I cried my heart out again. And daddy did too.
Pushie/Ajoy jr.,
Although you were in my tummy for 37-38 days (7++ weeks medically), mommy and daddy loved you so much. Maybe that's why it's so hard to learn that you were not with us anymore. I also regret it a bit that we didn't get the chance to take a glance at you. We didn't know how you looked like. For most couples, the first ultrasound appointment is the most exciting ultrasound experience, as that's when they get to see their babies for the first time, but for us, the first ultrasound was the scariest and the saddest experience, as that's when we learned that you were not there anymore. But you know what, it's okay. Although you are not here now, you were here. And you have thought us how it feels to be parents. And we are grateful for that.
This may or may not be a regret, but losing you at day 37-38 might be a good thing. I am pretty sure your soul should have been 'blown' into you on day 40, so I am pretty sure your heart was not beating yet when you went out of my tummy. So, maybe, when I lost you, you were not here, soul-wise. So maybe, mommy and daddy will see you when mommy get pregnant again, insyaAllah.
Anyway, I am just writing to you to completely let go of you. I thought I have let you go, but watching my friends talking about how their babies were waving and kicking during ultrasound reminded me of you, and I couldn't help but feeling sad again. But hey, life goes on. You are gone, but you are never forgotten. You will always be our first child.
Sayang, kami redha kamu sudah tiada.
We love you.
Love;
Mommy and Daddy
6th August was the day I found that you were in my tummy. It was also mommy&daddy's 6-months anniversary. I found out about it very early in the morning. At about 3am. I couldn't sleep, maybe because I took too much caffeine. Anyway, I called daddy as soon as the second band showed up on the pregnancy test strip. I can't tell you how much daddy smiled that day. From the moment I told him, till night, he was smiling from ear to ear, constantly kissing me and telling me how much he loves you and me.
Everyday from that day onwards, had been wonderful. Although I couldn't physically feel you, but I knew you were in me. You were very tiny, yet only Allah knows how much you drained my energy. But I never complained. I rested as much as I needed, and Alhamdulillah daddy has always been besides me whenever I needed him. Daddy never complained either. We only wanted you to be healthy.
Since the early days of knowing about your existence, I couldn't help but feel worry everytime my lower stomach cramped. I knew you were there. I prayed everytime after my daily prayers for you to be safe. But who am I kidding. I knew a mother's instinct is usually correct. Everytime I felt the cramp, secretly, deep inside, I felt something was wrong. I remember a few days before you left my tummy. There was no pain, no blood, whatsoever. But, somehow I felt you were not there. I felt like I was not pregnant. I didn't want to feel that way, but it's just how I felt. I tried hard to threw away the feeling.
But owh how I was right. A few days after, on 26th August 2010, I started bleeding. It was a very tiny bleeding for a couple of days. But on the 28th night, 12am on the 29th to be exact, the bleeding started to get heavy. Very heavy in fact, as if I got my period. And owh, the cramp. It was a bad cramp, as if I had period pain. I was in a huge worry. Especially when I saw those blood clots. Owh, I can't tell you how much I hoped I would never see you in those blood clots. I couldn't help myself, and I broke into tears. Although daddy was still in high hope that you had survived, deep inside, I knew you hadn't. It was a bad night. I went to bed crying in daddy's arms.
The day after that we went to see a doctor. The doctor asked me to go have the ultrasound done. She also told us the possibility that I had lost you. But daddy's hope was still high. The next day we went to the hospital. They didn't see you in my uterus, but they asked us to go to an ultrasound specialist anyway, as they were not trained for that. We went for external and internal ultrasound the next day. And then it's final. You were not in my tummy anymore. Although I had expected it, it was still very saddening. I had to hold back my tears, and pretended in front of everyone that I was okay, but no, I wasn't. Later that day, I cried my heart out again. And daddy did too.
Pushie/Ajoy jr.,
Although you were in my tummy for 37-38 days (7++ weeks medically), mommy and daddy loved you so much. Maybe that's why it's so hard to learn that you were not with us anymore. I also regret it a bit that we didn't get the chance to take a glance at you. We didn't know how you looked like. For most couples, the first ultrasound appointment is the most exciting ultrasound experience, as that's when they get to see their babies for the first time, but for us, the first ultrasound was the scariest and the saddest experience, as that's when we learned that you were not there anymore. But you know what, it's okay. Although you are not here now, you were here. And you have thought us how it feels to be parents. And we are grateful for that.
This may or may not be a regret, but losing you at day 37-38 might be a good thing. I am pretty sure your soul should have been 'blown' into you on day 40, so I am pretty sure your heart was not beating yet when you went out of my tummy. So, maybe, when I lost you, you were not here, soul-wise. So maybe, mommy and daddy will see you when mommy get pregnant again, insyaAllah.
Anyway, I am just writing to you to completely let go of you. I thought I have let you go, but watching my friends talking about how their babies were waving and kicking during ultrasound reminded me of you, and I couldn't help but feeling sad again. But hey, life goes on. You are gone, but you are never forgotten. You will always be our first child.
Sayang, kami redha kamu sudah tiada.
We love you.
Love;
Mommy and Daddy
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